Cousin Ezra is still at large. You will remember that he escaped from his attic home at Ma Payewackit's Boarding House over two weeks ago as she was changing his straw mat and he has been on the run ever since. Persons are warned not to approach him as he is a fruit cake. Anyone seeing him should call the nearest policeman (or his wife) and let them try to capture him. Ezra was last seen skulking around the Tawdrey Industrial Laundry and Old Folks Home.
There is no reward for his capture.
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Ed Fenske, $2.00 Extortionist, was arrested yesterday for attempted blackmail of the right Rev. Clayton Uptight of the St. Scomarchnin Lutheran Church. He would have gotten away with it, but Pastor Uptight didn't have anything smaller than a $5.00 bill and Ed Fenske, $2.00 Extortionist, would only accept--you guessed it--$2.00. Ed is awaiting trial before Judge Reinhold "Shoot first--that's all--just shoot first" McFlappdappler. His case comes up next week. His breakfast comes up an hour after he eats it.
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And that's that for the news this week. See you Monday. Till then, wipe that grin off your face, you son of ole' Scratch, you. Oh, btw, how was YOUR week, hmmmm????
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