Back From The Nether Regions

Hello Tawdrey News fans (all one of you)--it is I, Nasal Noteworthy, your poison-penned pundit of peculiar prose with big news--my computer is now fixed (though I can't get my printer to work) and I am back with more nauseating news from Tawdreyville, where every other child is exceptional, quite a few women are handsome and many of the men are down right purty.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

THE ROGUE UTERUS HAS BEEN CAUGHT!!!!!!

The uterus that escaped from the body of Mrs. Edith Frund has been successfully recaptured. It seems that the uterus was trying to kite at a local bank when it was apprehended. A line-up was begun and Mrs. Frund picked it out first crack. "I'd know that any where," she said. "After all, you don't have something in your body that long without recognizing it." Mr. Frund was noticibly offended by that last remark, but as he was the father of 22 his look was mistaken for one of abject misery.

The uterus was released into the body cavity of Mrs. Frund until its trial date. No word on the woman it kidnapped. She is presumed dead. "Bad luck, that," said Sheriff Lemar "Kill 'em all" Chopnofsky, "But at least that ladies thingy is back in Mrs. Frund."


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With the close of summer it is not too early to begin thinking about Easter, and Phelgm's Dept. Store is ready with all your egg-coloring, rabbit buying, and candy eating needs. New this year is the customized dead rabbit, a great conversation piece and a learning toy for the kiddies. Every child should know about death, and what better way to teach them than by getting them a customized dead rabbit. Each rabbit comes with a miniature scalpel, for performing an autopsy, and a can of spray pait for writing the name of the child on it's pelt. And Phelgm's reminds its patrons that these rabbit kits will NOT be on sale.

That's Phelgm's Dept. Store, proudly not having sales since 1915.


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Mayor Applewhanger and the entire police force once again tried unsuccessfully to turn Ma Pyewackit and her son Henry into the street, but as long as Ma has those pictures of the Mayor and the choral group, and the dachsund, he will be forever thwarted it seems.

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The Howzaboutaplay Company, our local community theater group, is proud to announce that it will be presenting the play "Equus", staring Leona Lumpkin as Lady Godiva and her goiter as the white charger she rides on. Also in the cast are Alonzo Martayne as Hitler and Fredo Lonesdale as the mysterious man in the soiled trenchcoat. Tickets are now on sale for what should prove to be this season's greatest breakthrough since a Scotsman in a kilt sat on a spike.